He lurks in the shadows of the depths of the process of moving. He appears as a previously lost pair of socks and when no one is watching, he becomes anything and everything that was ever found, acquired, purchased, or otherwise obtained since the last time he came around. In our case, he manifested in the form of 10 bicycles, a charcoal grill, and 600 some-odd pounds of records. He now weighs 5,438.4 lb. I suspect he will weigh over 6,500 lb. when all is said and done. We didn’t realize we were feeding him so steadily or so completely, but the result can’t be ignored. He is huge.
We try to make him seem smaller by spreading him out, then re-compacting him to a smaller compartment – oddly he is no less daunting. He is a mess. He will seem no less insurmountable until the very last item is packed. We are considering selling some of him or giving some of his various pieces to neighbors, acquaintances, or perfect strangers; anyone willing to take some of him so we don’t have to.
I was a student of mathematics once, which is to say I was in the same room while others were learning. During one of these such sessions, I was told that n+m=z or some other variable nonsense, which at the time, seemed to make sense. I can now say, with little doubt, that n+m=3z, where z is the perceived sum of the contents of two single persons prior to marriage. Actually, it is more like n+m=3z+c, where c is the constant addition to collections of things like books, silverware, or any other seemingly innocuous items when taken as a whole make up your total belongings.
I have named ours. Thud. I suspect this is the sound he would make if attempting to move one of his obese appendages from the milkshake counter to the men’s room to let off some steam.
He shall be so named until such time he is disseminated, sorted, and neatly stowed in our new place. Perhaps we should find a new place…
Sleep. Yes. Sleep will be nice too. Good night.